tuesday

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i had never met him. easier most likely. it wasn't until i was twenty when i realized overnight he had become a man. as per his religion he was officially a man at thirteen, but one day six years ago i was outside reading an issue of jane and suddenly the only thing boyish about him was the sneaky glint in his eyes . i remember feeling waves of shock that were violently battling against an immediate attraction. i can't be attracted to the boy that use to pick his nose and wipe it on the basement wall when we were in the third grade. picking his nose and calling it modern art as it was dubbed by him years later when he knew well enough to be embarrassed. the boy that leaped up on his chair in the sixth grade and announced to the class that i had gotten my first period (it was deserved, i had loudly pointed out his sweatpants boner to the girls during lunch recess). he was the boy next door in the truest form. our childhoods melded into each other. there was a nogastlia and a hatred usually saved for a sibling that we shared. suddenly, shockingly, he was a man and i had no idea how much trouble i would be in.